5 Ways to Redefine Masculinity and Create Gender Equality

This Father's Day, I've been thinking about redefining masculinity.  Well, I've been thinking a lot about this in general, but especially on Father's Day, because our fathers, those of us lucky enough to have our fathers, are usually the first masculine figures in our lives and thus the first person to teach us what "masculinity" means and looks like.  Over the centuries, we've created a definition of masculinity that is at the root of inequality and it harms both men and women.
​

So, as we celebrate our fathers, let's also celebrate the future fathers we are creating, by showing them everything it is to be a man, or at least a human man.  Here are five essential ways we can and must do to redefine masculinity:

1. Change how we portray gender roles in children's books and toys.  It starts young.  when you look at children's books and toys, we are sending a loud and clear message as to where men and women belong in society, and many of these books and toys still reinforce gender stereotypes.
2. Teach boys that feelings are meant to be felt.  It's one thing to teach a child to not cry and whine about everything, but it's another to teach boys that they're not supposed to cry because they're boys and need to be "tough."  Sometimes being tough is being unafraid to feel your emotions.
3. Teach all your children how to do do all chores around the house and hold them all accountable.  I once wrote a blog about how I was raised to be independent, and my parents spent a lot of time making sure I knew I had to work hard and be able to take care of myself; but that did not necessarily mean I was raised to be equal.  I think especially with my generation, many of our parents did this, because they knew the world is not equal; but they didn't think about or teach us how to make it equal.  It's sort of like victim blaming--make the victim figure out how to fix the issue.  To this day, when I visit my parents, my mother hounds me about doing the dishes, setting the table, catering to guests, but she never asks my brother to do the same.  My brother gets to help with the barbecue, but more than that?  The gender stereotypes and inequalities we've ingrained into our minds have become so innate, I don't think my parents realize the inequality.  In fact, I know they don't, because I've raised the issue many times.  We need to change this. Expect your boys to do the things you expect your girls to do, too.
4. Mothers stop pampering and coddling your boys.  I have come to the conclusion that male children should not be only children.  Of course, we can't always control that, but if they're going to be an only child, raise them like you would a girl.  My husband is an only child, and he hates when I call out his only child syndrome; but it's true. To this day, when he's around his parents, they treat him like he's Louis XIV, and I REFUSE TO.  From the moment he wakes up there are about 20 questions that go into what and how he wants his breakfast.  Even my mother does the same.  Anytime we're at my parents' both my parents are always asking me if he's hungry and if I need to feed Chris, and it drives me nuts.  The boy is a grown man--if he's hungry, he can find his own or make his own food.  He is fully capable--with two legs to carry him to the kitchen, and two hands to do stuff with.  My father does the same, but in a slightly more tolerable way, because he always just asks if Chris would like to eat anything and offers to cook it himself.  However, nobody ever asks me if I'm hungry or if I want to eat.  By coddling our boys we raise them to expect women to be their mothers, which is extremely unfair to their partners, and we also raise them to be selfish and inconsiderate.  Mothers...PLEASE STOP THIS IF YOU HAVE AN ONLY CHILD THAT IS A BOY!!!!  I've observed many of my only child friends, I guarantee it's different with girls.  This of course is often situational, so we can't say this about all only male children; but it's certainly something I've observed in many. 
5. Treat women with respect and equality.  There's no equality without respect.  "Machismo" has to go. The idea that men have to be bigger and better, stronger and tougher, is very dangerous, because it is the root of intimate partner violence.  True, men are naturally and genetically physically stronger beings than women; but it is not okay to use that natural strength as power and control over women--whether we're talking about intimate relationships or even in our professional lives.  There are countless stories about men feeling threatened or uncomfortable around women who have too domineering a presence or are considered "too aggressive."  Keep in mind, that the same amount of "aggressiveness" from a man would not be considered "aggressive" but simply accepted as normal, acceptable behavior because it came from a man.  I literally heard the most ridiculous story the other day about a tall woman who stood about 6' tall, and was consistently asked to sit down in meetings, when everyone else was standing, because her height threatened certain men's egos in the room.  I have no words. So, let's teach our boys to treat all women with respect and equality, because  being a man is knowing how to respect women.  If we teach boys and girls to see and treat girls as equals, then men wouldn't be afraid of women who might be taller than them, might be just as or more ambitious than them, or who use their voices.

Redefining masculinity is essential to creating gender equality.  When we do this, we solve SO MANY of our problems, like intimate partner violence, pay gaps, and nagging wives.

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers and father figures!

BIG LOVE & HUGS

Love,

​Justine

Like what you’ve read? Remember to subscribe to our newsletter and share the article with others!