I just wrapped a 23-year career in education. Okay, so I totally included preschool in that count, but I totally learned things in preschool. In fact, probably the most important thing I learned in preschool was how to write my name. You know they give you 40 or 45 points just for showing up and writing your name on the bar exam…for each part of the exam—so that’s 240/270 points!
At times, the road we choose can be extremely lonely, even if we’re not the only ones walking it. I was really starting to feel all the stress and pressure of the bar, school, and work, and I started to feel so alone—the second loneliest time I’ve ever felt in my life, and that's saying something if you know me. I mean, I could feel my head pulsating, and I was listening to classical music to keep me calm.
Obviously, I’m not the only one under these stresses right now. I’ve got friends in class me with me, going through the same things. But then again, we’ve all had different experiences in law school, so there’s not necessarily anyone who REALLY knows what I’m going through. It doesn’t help that my family doesn’t understand—I mean, they’re supportive in their own crazy way, and I love them, but they just have no clue. Thankfully, I have a few friends who are extremely supportive and they help me escape the madness every now and then.
There is however one person, who I knew would know exactly what I’m going through, who I could confide in, and who could give me the reassurance I needed to restore my faith and confidence in myself. She knows my ups and struggles in law school. She knows how hard I work. She also knows how to talk to me like a human being. So I went to talk to her today, and suddenly all that negative energy just melted away. I mean, I still can’t help but worry, but it’s not the kind of worry that will not hinder my performance.
The thing is, we’re never really alone unless we let ourselves be. I could have kept everything to myself, try to let this episode of panic subside on its own, but this time I knew I couldn’t. For those of you not in law school, or who haven’t been to law school, it’s totally normal to have mental breakdowns every now and then, leading up to the bar. Normally my “moments” take care of themselves, or I do something to take care of it somehow; but this time was a little different.
I think I just have a lot more on my plate at the moment, and I could feel myself burning out, but I was desperately trying to fight it. I can’t burn out now. It’s way too early to start burning out. I can’t burn out until after August 1st! After that, I can burn out in the Swiss Alps, on a lake in Italy, or on some centuries old cobblestone road in France. I don’t care.
So just remember, when you feel alone, know that you’re not and find the one person who knows exactly what you’re going through. That’s what “Love, Justine” was created for—a place for you to know that you are NEVER alone. Also, have at least one or two people in your life who help you escape, even for just an hour or two. When I get together with these friends, we do not talk about school—at least not in detail. We talk about guys, love, relationships, people, history, faith, happy things, human things, whatever. And of course, just take care of yourself. Know yourself. Know what works for you. This week, classical music worked for me. Next week, I may go horseback riding.
Have faith, and choose to be great :).
BIG LOVE & HUGS