That is the question. To ensure that we're all on the same page, ghosting is when you intentionally disappear from someone's life--stop answering texts, calls, emails, and any other form of communication. This also includes blocking people on social media platforms. It's not always an easy decision to make, nor one that I ever really want to make, but sometimes you just have to. I learned that there are times, especially as a woman, you just have to look out for yourself. So when is it appropriate to ghost someone or how do you know when ghosting is the best response? I have had this discussion with several friends, male and female, and if you find yourself wondering if you should ghost someone or not, here are a few examples of when is probably an appropriate situation for ghosting. (It's important to note that I am speaking from a female perspective because I am a woman, but the reverse also applies for men in similar situations.)
I finally watched the new live action version of Beauty and the Beast, and as an original fan, I found it as magical and moving as ever. It surprised me that I could still be so moved by this “silly” fairytale that captured my six year old imagination, and I even felt a little silly admitting that. However, as I watched it, I thought about all the ways this story possibly influenced my life—my love for books and fancy libraries, pretty gowns and dresses, exploring castles, adventure, curiosity, fearlessness in the face of monsters (or adversity). I also thought about how apparently some folks were offended by Le Fou being gay, and boycotted the film. First of all, who cares. Secondly, if you’re really worried about your child being exposed to homosexuality in this film, well, I highly doubt they will notice it. I had no clue as a kid and didn’t care. All I saw was a funny, short side-kick, and all I cared about was the singing and dancing.
There was a meme going around about how people were so concerned about Le Fou being gay, but had no care or worry that Belle, a human woman, was falling in love with and kissing a beast. This sat with me as I watched the film, because the story does raise some very valid questions. This story is one that leads us to believe we can change a beast into a prince by loving him. In real life, that is not always the case.
Yet, so many of us girls like to love the “bad boy,” or the “broken boy.” We want to be the one who turns him good, we want to save him from his brokenness, we want to be the light to his darkness. I once lived with a beast and no matter how I tried to love him, he kept me locked up, he beat me, berated me, tortured me, and there was no changing him. He was very sick, and it didn’t matter how much I loved him, I could have been Aphrodite herself, and it wouldn’t matter. He needed help beyond me, and beyond love.
I’ve also dated a guy whom everyone loved, and in general is not a terrible human being, but there were parts of him that were very broken as the result of a very broken family. He was highly immature, especially emotionally immature. Could he eventually mature? Maybe…maybe not. He was an ego-maniac who lived off of attention—could he be brought down to earth? I don’t know.
So that begs the question, do people change? Some folks are of the mindset that people do not change. I’m not entirely sure what belief I subscribe to on this matter. I believe that life happens, and the events of our lives can alter our perspectives and the way we live our lives. As I self-reflect on my own life, I wonder if certain events in my life have changed me. I wonder if some of my "flaws" and characteristics that I want to improve on have changed or can be changed. What causes me to act and react certain ways? If I can identify those triggers, can I change? I don't know, but I do believe that people can become more self-aware. The more self-aware I am of myself, the more I can change how I act and react. I also believe that if we are capable of change, the change must start with ourselves, the desire to change ourselves. And that goes back to being self-aware. It all boils down to self-awareness. If we’re self-aware, we can better choose our actions and words.
Be self-aware. Be love. Be brave. Be excellent to each other.
BIG LOVE & HUGS
At 28 years old, I learned how to ski for the first time. It was great, until it was disastrous, and then it was great again. Despite my husband being a former competitive skiier, I decided to take proper lessons. The lessons went great. My teacher kept saying "athlete position" and I squatted, engaging my glutes and my quads, like nobody's business and felt like a boss. When I figured out how to stop, I felt ready to graduate from the bunny slopes to the..."hare" slope. I wasn't ready for anything crazy, but something a little more challenging. This one was actually called "Little Thunder," but it was not so little.
After lunch, we grabbed some poles for me to use, because my husband said it would help me out, and then headed for the lift. On the lift, I could feel my heart tell my head to have no fear, there was no way I was going to fall out of the lift chair--I just sat still and tight. Trying to quiet the fear I completely forgot about what I was supposed to do to get off the lift. By the time it was time to get off, Chris grabbed me and pulled me off with him--it was great, because I didn't even have to worry about falling.
At the top of the this slope my brain suddenly turned to mush as I realized how far down I had to go to reach the base of the mountain again. Needless to say, the next 10-15 minutes were a nightmare, and I totally ate it a few times. I'd go, gain too much speed,
lose control, and eat it with all the dramatics of a Looney Toon episode. At least, that's how I imagined I looked. I partly blame the poles, because they totally threw me off; but what was more challenging was figuring out how to get up whenever I did fall. I hadn't learned how to do that in class, because I didn't fall during my class. I was grateful Chris was with me, but it didn't help that we are exact opposite personalities, so however he was trying to instruct me was not working. At one point I tried to see if I could side-step down the entire mountain. I wanted to cry like a big baby a couple times, because why was this so hard???? And how the heck do I slow down and stop when I want to????
Eventually Chris took all four of our poles, held them in both his hands and told me to grab on. Then he skiied us down the rest of the mountain, and I asked him why we couldn't always ski like that, because that was so fun! When we got to the base, I decided to go back to the bunny slopes and he went off to find our friends. Once I mastered the bunny slopes I slowly moved my way higher and higher up the hill, and practiced stopping. By the end I was proud of myself, and felt ready to tackle "Little Thunder" again, but instead we went tubing to finish out the day.
Skiing reminded me of a few good life lessons, including:
Remember, life is an adventure--embrace it.
BIG LOVE & HUGS