I went to Confession today. I was planning on going, but when I received a message from a younger distant cousin, I knew I absolutely had to go. The boy had the kindest words to say to me and about me; I was completely taken aback. Reading his message, I felt so touched, and yet completely and utterly undeserving. That’s how I knew there was no way I could not go to Confession this weekend. I want to be deserving of the plethora of kindness he expressed.
It had been a while since my last Confession, but I really needed it—I needed to talk to someone confidently, and I needed someone to hear me. In this day and age, when everyone’s so preoccupied in their own busy lives, myself included, it seems the most easily accessible people to talk to are either your therapist or your priest.
It felt really good. Thanksgiving is always such a stressful weekend for me—at least, ever since law school started—and this year I was really dreading it actually. This being my last year, and having so much more on my plate than usual, the stakes are higher and the pressure is even stronger. On top of that, there was something else really bothering me this year. It may sound silly to some people, but I can’t even tell you how irked by it I was. I just hate how Thanksgiving tends to feel so phony. It feels so mechanical—a natural holiday reflex—like oh is it the fourth Thursday in November already? Well, I guess it’s time to throw a big party and put a turkey on the table. I mean, what is everyone truly grateful for? And I mean TRULY grateful for. It doesn’t help that for the last couple weeks, it seems like Black Friday was a bigger concern than Thanksgiving was. That really bothers me. Does it not bother anyone else? To add to the phoniness, though maybe I’m being a bit too harsh, was that all month people were posting what they’re thankful for. That’s nice and all, and don’t get me wrong I think it’s great that people recognize and express what they’re thankful for, but why save it for one time of the year?
I don’t know, maybe I’ve just become more cynical and jaded than I’d like to admit to myself, which is why I’m glad I made it to Confession. It was a good release of all that negative energy.
On the upside, I’m on track as to where my studies need to be despite the long nights. Here’s a confession, I didn’t even get out of bed until I was really hungry, which was nearly 2pm on Friday. I woke up and just started right away on a final draft of an “Asset Purchase and Licensing Agreement” for my transactional class—didn’t even bother to shower or workout.
It was nice when I went down again later that evening and saw my grandmother sitting in the kitchen nook. Gosh that woman is an angel. I just love her to pieces. As she watched me hustling, she asked me, “Justine, why are you always so busy?” I just smiled and said to her, “Because I have one life to live…and this is what it takes if you all want me to pass the Bar the first time.”
BIG LOVE & HUGS
P.S. Just FYI, I did shower and workout today--yay me :)