MOMPSLAINING

Does your mom like to momsplain everything?  Momsplaining is explaining how to do something you already know, often accompanied by "life lessons" you've heard many times.  My mom loves to momsplain EVERYTHING under the freakin' sun.  It can really annoy me and get under my skin while I am enduring the momsplanation, but it actually makes me laugh after the fact, because it's kind of pretty funny.  Sometimes the things she momsplains are so ridiculous all you can do is laugh.  From life lessons, to beauty and health regiments, to household chores, to driving directions, mama covers it all!

Here are my top 6 momsplanatations from my mommy dearest:

1. How to do the dishes:  I am a grown ass woman, and every time I am at my mother's house, if she sees me doing the dishes, she needs to come over and explain to me exactly how to do it, even when we're just using the dishwasher.
2. How and what to wear to make my butt look good:  "Oh, these leggings make your butt look better than your jeans--you see how it just keeps it all contained?"  Or..."If you wear a long shirt, it'll cover your butt, then your butt won't look so big."  Or..."Yes, that dress makes your butt look less like a sack of potatoes." 
3. How to stay slim and lose weight:  Basically, she sites every health article she reads, or whatever trend someone tells her about.  
4. The best time to go to the beach to prevent skin cancer and freckles:   Go before the sun comes up or as it's going down.  Okay, that's a slight exaggeration; but basically, go earlier or later.  Midday is no bueno, because the sun is too strong.  There's certainly truth to this; but sometimes, you just gotta go and live life!
5. How to apply sunscreen:  Growing up in Los Angeles, my mother made sure we always had sunscreen on.  From a young age, I developed the good habit of applying sunscreen every day to at least my face so that I may one day prevent myself from turning into a lobster.  To this day, particularly when I'm headed to the beach or somewhere where I'll be outdoors all day, mama likes to remind where and how to apply the SPF.
6. How to drive and get places in the most efficient ways:  LA is known for its horrible traffic, so mom always likes to play backseat driver.  But it's not just directions she likes to give, often times she also likes to remind me how to change lanes, when and how to accelerate, when and how to break, and when to get my car washed.

It's important to remember that, unlike mansplaining which is an act of egocentric patronization, momsplaining is an act of love...and probably a need to still feel like mom even when her children are grown ass human beings.  The truth is, I find myself turning into my mother more and more.  So, to any future children I may have, I apologize ahead of time for any momsplaining you will have to endure.

BIG LOVE & HUGS

Love,

Justine