I don’t know what it is about certain doctor’s appointments, but they sure have a way of making me vulnerable. It turns out I didn’t need someone to dig into my muscles to bring back trauma to me. (See http://www.lovejustine.com/4/post/2012/10/o-me-o-my-you.html).
I went to get a second opinion on my shoulder today, and even though I was reluctant to because Integrated Bodywork just sounded so intriguing to me, I’m really glad I did. So, I’ll have to retract a statement from my previous post regarding my shoulder—x-rays show that my first rib is not out, and I am not going to argue with an x-ray. I still need an MRI, but the doctor prescribed acupuncture and 2-3 times/week of physical therapy. I’d tell you the diagnosis of today’s appointment, but I can’t read his writing haha. Although, both the doctor and the assistant were really impressed with my strength :) I’m actually quite relieved, because at least insurance will cover both of these prescriptions. There’s no way a law student like me could afford the Integrated Bodyworks sessions.
Back to the trauma part though. I was totally fine in the waiting room, I even laughed while filling out the forms. I think I started to get a little emotional when went to go take the x-ray, but it wasn’t until I was brought to the room where the doctor would see me, that I kind of just fell apart. I didn’t start bawling or anything, but as the assistant questioned me I started fighting back tears as I was to tell him that I was formerly in an abusive relationship. Then the doctor came in, and I had a to let a few fall. I just couldn’t hold them back anymore.
I always feel embarrassed when this happens, because it totally catches me off-guard. This never happens to me when I see my girl doctor. It didn’t happen to me when I saw the Integrated Bodyworks specialist, or the iridologist. It doesn’t even happen to me when I talk to my friends, or strangers, IN DETAIL about what happened. I’m really not sure what sets off this kind of emotional reaction, because it’s not like suddenly memories are resurfacing. The memories are there…everyday.
It’s funny though, when I saw the Integrated Bodyworks specialist she said, “we never completely heal.” When she said that to me, I didn’t know if I agreed with her. I felt like I’ve healed quite well and in all the important ways. I still think that, but after today I think I can agree with her statement. And even though she was wrong about my rib, there’s still a benefit to Integrated Bodyworks if you’re interested, and if you truly are the kind of patient who will benefit from it. After all, she has pro-athlete clients, so I’m sure it’s good in a lot of ways.
Lesson of the day: second opinions are always worth it, gives you a better second option or reaffirms your first opinion.
Reminder of the day: I’m not invincible. (…but I’m still fabulous! Ha)
Bonus lesson and reminder of the day: PMS can turn me into a baby. I really think PMS enhanced my emotional reaction. Still, there’s something about particular doctor’s appointments…
BIG LOVE & HUGS