I am not a perfectionist. Sometimes I feel like that's a bad thing to say, but there was a time I tried very hard to be, and then eventually I realized it's just not me. Back in middle school, I remember I would sometimes spend more time re-writing my notes just so they looked just perfect, than actually studying my notes. I'm not sure why it was so important to me to make sure my handwriting was just right, and my notes organized just right, but I wasted a lot of time, ink, and paper writing and re-writing for Lord knows what reason. I had a friend I often studied with, who had impeccable handwriting and she was all-around a very smart, studious, and diligent girl, so maybe I was afraid to look like a slob next to her. I don't know.
Eventually I got over that, and eventually I came to understand that we each have our own way of doing things and what works for others might not work for me. It wasn't until more recently, let's say the last year or two that I've really learned, accepted, and embraced the true mess I am. Say what you want about personality tests--I take them all with a grain of salt and amusement--but I took a couple, which articulated well what I had come to know of myself. I'm the kind of person that likes to dive in and learn as I go. I'm a do-er. Sitting idle and planning out every detail makes me very antsy. When I travel, I pick out a few things I really want to see or do, but there's never a set plan or itinerary. I hate being confined by strict schedules when you're supposed to be enjoying and getting to know a new place. That's why I don't do tours. It's more of an adventure, it's more exciting when you kind of just go with the flow and see where you wind up.
Don't get me wrong, certain things require excruciating levels of planning and exacting--like sending someone into space. No, you definitely don't want to mess that up. However, most things in my life, and probably nothing in my life, requires that level of planning and exacting. Even babies don't require "perfect planning," because you can do all the planning in the world, and you still won't be ready nor will you be a master.
I realized, if I waited until I was absolutely ready to conquer all the things I want to conquer in my life, I might not ever get to conquering. What I have had to teach myself is patience, which is not easy and I'm quite terrible at it. However, when it comes to things that really matter, I know that I can't rush things and need to take it step by step. Sometimes that winds up being me being too eager and needing to take a step back, which is okay, too. It's better to take one step back than too many incorrect steps forward.
As I've been vlogging for Insights, doing "Tea with Justine," and other projects, this understanding has been hammered home even more. For me, it's all about the journey, what you learn from it, and how you grown. For example, with "Tea with Justine," the idea randomly came to me, and 3 weeks later I posted my first episode. I'm learning to edit as I go, learning what works and what doesn't, and learning to double check my hair looks alright. What I've learned, especially through my professional career in the entertainment industry is that above all else, people appreciate and gravitate towards authenticity.
So, don't worry about perfection. Perfection is subjective in my opinion. My husband laughs at me sometimes, because I like to take crooked pictures, but to me that's as perfect as any other picture some might take...maybe even better! My life experiences have taught me that very few things workout as you plan them, and at least in my life, a lot of things tend work backwards or out of order for some reason.
Just do you. Life is too short to worry about whether your eyeliner is done perfectly or not, when your eyes are different sizes and shapes so they'll never actually be "perfect."
BIG LOVE & HUGS