A group of my friends and I went out one evening in Venice Beach recently, to celebrate one of my girlfriends' birthdays. After dinner we decided to hit up the bars, and had a fun night dancing. A few of my girlfriends with me that night are single, so my husband and I played "Wing-Team." It's always fun playing wing-woman, because there are no reservations about approaching anyone, but for the first time I had one of those moments where I thought, "I'm too old for this"--not so much the wing-womaning, but the scene. First of all, most people in the bar we ended up in looked like they were home for the holidays from uni. Secondly, it felt like for the first time I saw with my own eyes the lack of understanding and respect for boundaries and consent that some people have. Now, I'm sure it wasn't really the first time I had ever witnessed inappropriate and borderline behavior, but it was the first time I saw and comprehended certain behaviors to be inappropriate that I might not have at eighteen or twenty.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM), and there are many things we can all do to look out for one another better and prevent sexual harassment and assault. We've all heard of the bystander effect and it's time we hold ourselves more accountable to each other. By being more aware of the signs of sexual harassment, and learning how to diffuse such situations and taking action when we sense something is wrong, we can change our culture.
That is the question. To ensure that we're all on the same page, ghosting is when you intentionally disappear from someone's life--stop answering texts, calls, emails, and any other form of communication. This also includes blocking people on social media platforms. It's not always an easy decision to make, nor one that I ever really want to make, but sometimes you just have to. I learned that there are times, especially as a woman, you just have to look out for yourself. So when is it appropriate to ghost someone or how do you know when ghosting is the best response? I have had this discussion with several friends, male and female, and if you find yourself wondering if you should ghost someone or not, here are a few examples of when is probably an appropriate situation for ghosting. (It's important to note that I am speaking from a female perspective because I am a woman, but the reverse also applies for men in similar situations.)
Does your mom like to momsplain everything? Momsplaining is explaining how to do something you already know, often accompanied by "life lessons" you've heard many times. My mom loves to momsplain EVERYTHING under the freakin' sun. It can really annoy me and get under my skin while I am enduring the momsplanation, but it actually makes me laugh after the fact, because it's kind of pretty funny. Sometimes the things she momsplains are so ridiculous all you can do is laugh. From life lessons, to beauty and health regiments, to household chores, to driving directions, mama covers it all!
Remember Martina McBride's song, "When God-Fearin' Women Get The Blues?" Fun song right? Sort of kickass, too, yeah? What I never understood was the phrase "God-fearin'." I still don't, because frankly, I don't fear God and I don't understand why I should? I mean, sure, when I was kid, sometimes my grandma would try to get me to stop doing something by telling me if I don't stop, God will be mad at me. But she also told me if I whistled at night ghosts would come out. Clever grandma I must say, clever indeed.
I always feel awkward when people ask me how married life is, because the truth is, it doesn't feel much different. We lived together before we got married, so other than being legally and sacredly bound together for eternity, the only thing that has changed is that my husband says "no" to me more often now. "Wanna go to the Dodger game with our friends?" "No, baseball is boring." "Wanna go hiking?" "Today? No, I've got ten hours of cycling to watch." Whereas, before being married, I could pretty much plan anything and he'd come along. I guess now he knows for sure I'm not going anywhere so he doesn't have to do everything I say. This must be in some ways how parents feel about their teenagers. Still, it wasn't like once the vows were said, that I knew we were eternally committed to each other. I knew that when we decided we wanted to marry each other.
My husband and I got married three times. I hadn't envisioned it that way, but that's just the way it worked out. You see, my husband is from France where they actually observe separation of church and state, and so we were required to have a civil ceremony before we could be married in the church. So we had a little courthouse wedding first, then we had a beautiful church ceremony in France, and then to accommodate the large number of my friends and family who could not go to France, we had another magical one in LA at our church.
Many little girls grow up knowing that one day their name will change. They'll marry a man and take his name, and they'll become Mrs. So-and-So. It's like a natural part of life. The most thought that ever goes into it is just, does my name sound good with his? Some girls might even go as far as doodling it all over their notebooks.
When I first met Foo, my brother's puppy, I was finishing law school and busy studying for the bar. In pictures she was adorable and looked like a hamster, because she was so small. However, whenever he'd bring her around, I found her so annoying, because I couldn't get anything done around her. She was so hyper and so little, she jumped all over me non-stop, so I couldn't study, or eat, or do anything productive in her presence. So you just had this tiny furry ball bouncing around you and off of you all the time. As such, being a high stress level time in my life, I really did not like her. I mean, I really did not like her at all. I was forced to lock myself in my room anytime I needed to get something done, even to workout. She was a real pain in my ass.