I always feel awkward when people ask me how married life is, because the truth is, it doesn't feel much different. We lived together before we got married, so other than being legally and sacredly bound together for eternity, the only thing that has changed is that my husband says "no" to me more often now. "Wanna go to the Dodger game with our friends?" "No, baseball is boring." "Wanna go hiking?" "Today? No, I've got ten hours of cycling to watch." Whereas, before being married, I could pretty much plan anything and he'd come along. I guess now he knows for sure I'm not going anywhere so he doesn't have to do everything I say. This must be in some ways how parents feel about their teenagers. Still, it wasn't like once the vows were said, that I knew we were eternally committed to each other. I knew that when we decided we wanted to marry each other.
Don't get me wrong, the sacred bond we share now is something beyond beautiful and incredible. It's something that is between us and God. But when we're talking every day living, not a whole lot has changed.
So, if you ask me how married life is and expect a gooey response, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but I don't have one for you. I always think it's great and touching when my friends on Facebook can't stop gushing over their wedding day and marital bliss. Sometimes seeing all that makes me feel inadequate, but then I kick myself in the butt and say, "Snap out of it, Justine." I don't even like to get publicly gushy. My last post about my husband was how my life would be much less obnoxiously French without him. I mean, thank goodness his father is English so he's got some sensibility about him.
What is marital bliss anyways? Is it never arguing? Probably not. Is it having healthy communication habits? Definitely yes, but I highly doubt any couple goes into marriage being complete masters of this. For me, marital bliss lies on a spectrum of going to the bathroom with the door open and exploring the world together. Pretty and exotic pictures that we post on social media have nothing on the experiences and laughter we get to share.
Marriage isn't easy, but it's showing up every day. I sometimes wonder if it's "too early" for me to say that marriage is hard and it's a lot of work. But the truth is, any time you put two people together, two people who have lived a life before knowing each other, two people who have their own personalities, it becomes a journey that we all bring our baggage to and we help each other carry the load. Along the journey we unpack some baggage and learn to leave others behind. But then we also pick up more baggage. I mean, how do you go anywhere and not bring back a souvenir--literally and figuratively.
The thing is, life after the wedding is life. And I'm one of the blessed ones who has a partner for life to navigate calm and stormy waters. So how is married life? Married life is life.
BIG LOVE & HUGS